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Hope and grace! That and a sprinkle of stars.Sigh.....I cannot even begin to imagine what you have endured and survived. So many of us struggle with depression. Thank you for sharing your story and putting a face to this illness. Love you lots, and always.

Thank you. As a mother of a child and the child of a parent who both suffer from mental illness, I'm appreciative of anyone who will talk about it. People often judge before they understand the circumstances. My child is teaching me to toughen up, laugh at the ridiculous, and enjoy the peaceful times.

I hope you are enjoying much better health.

Wonderful Chel! Welcome home, know you are loved by many. Take care and please let me know if you need anything. Hugs, Lyn

Oh sweetie, such a story, and such lives we live... I too have fought depression for years, and see my 14 year old struggle with emotions and feelings that bring back memories. It can be difficult to look back, and even more difficult to look forward, but I hope you find a safe and healing path, and come out stronger in the end!

I'm there too and it's no picnic. Sometimes it's a daily struggle to stay out of bed. Depression seems to be more common among creative people.. But we feel both the depths of despair as well as the depths of joy and when it's joy I fill with gratitude.
I always think back on this Agatha Christie quote:
I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.

I am a phone call away!
You came to my house once to do art and I am always available to play!

Sending creative thoughts & virtual hugs to you today

dearest Chel, I am glad to hear you're home and wish you healing and happiness. The black dog, my lifelong companion too, can be an impossible animal. You are a brave soul. Just know that lots of us are there with you looking up at those same stars.

Thank You.
I have wanted to share my truths as I experienced it. It's hard. I tend to hide my pain very deeply. People in my T group say I don't "act" depressed. I hide it because I am scared too let them see it. Possibly, I'm too overwhelmed to see it myself. Yes I'm on meds, I have a thearpist (who I sometimes think doesn't get me), I've been hospitalized for being sucidal. I worry my insurance will cut my off. I have my DH and daughters; they have seen it all. I'm determined to live before I die, even though I do have depression. So much more to write, thanks for opening the door.

Chel, I think you are so brave and so wise. In sharing your story with others I am sure you will help many as well as help yourself. I wish you luck on your journey. Your writing is brilliant, your gifts are many.
Gina, zne

Chelise: This has touched me so much. I think I know you better now. Telling the truth like this is cathartic and trust me, you are not alone. Life has become so complex (FUTURE SHOCK remember the book)that you have to be a bit crazy to fit in. We all have our quirks and neurosis. Depression, however, can be chronic or acute (I've been there back in my late 20s when I was out of work and had nothing to do not having discovered art yet). I think we have all contemplated (and here I am being very honest) death at some point in our lives be it becasue of a love affair gone wrong or the death of a child (my case) or a hormonal imbalance. The important thing is that you have seen something in you that is causing you pain and you are seeking the help. Being good to yourself, being with yourself, talking to yourself in the mirror, loving and pampering yourself as much as you can, getting that much deserved siesta, delegating some of your load onto those who love you will begin the healing. I feel so much for you now because we have known each other for a long time through ZNE, I have seen what a feat it has been for you, how you have kept it all together and put so much love into it. Maybe it is time to rest now, take a break, create some art of your own, spend time with friends, just lounging. I am here, all ears, no advice if you should want to call some time.

I hope you feel better, soon. Best wishes for a speedy recovery!

This is beautiful. Sad. Heartbreaking. But with so much hopefulness. There is a song here.

I am so happy you are back home. I saw a beautiful piece of art and I thought it was wonderful. It said "If it were not for hope the heart would break" I have a child who suffers from depression. Remember you are loved and have lots of friends who care about you.

You write brilliantly. It's easy to forget that you are not making up a story... but writing from your heart. I have no wise words; just as you when you were little - I know you are sad, and I wish I could fix it. xo

So timely that a link to this blog arrived in my inbox today, having just spent 8 hrs. last night with my 18 year old daughter in the ER, helping her to get admitted.
She has bipolar disorder that is not being adequately managed with her current meds. and fortunately agreed that it was time to aggressively seek more help in this way.
Very hard thing to say goodbye to your daughter at the outside of locked doors, right before she steps inside of a world you know nothing about, but have to trust for your child's sake, that that world can help her and treat her well, while you let go and accept that you have reached your limit of what you can humanly do for her out here in your world.

My hope for this evening, her first full night, is that she gets a good night's sleep. I saw and felt relief and hope from her during our short visit with her later in the day...I hope she's getting a bit of peace tonight.

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