Sit in reverie, and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind. - Longfellow
The artwork above and the post below is written by the wonderful artist Dawn Lippincott. As you'll read, Dawn has been dealing with painful mental illness issues since she was a child. I am saddened that she is, at present, not able to fully focus on her own health issues (yes, yes, life gets in the way!) but I am awe inspired by her bravery and honesty, as evidenced in this post. I share it with you now, with Dawn's Permission. - CSH
I have been depressed since I can remember, being a child of the 70's nobody dealt with depression or anxiety back then for kids so I suffered. Many many trips to specialists for stomach tests and blood tests etc all while trying to fit in in the 7th grade!!
I hated school as far back as kindergarten and still have nightmares of my mom leaving me with that "mean" teacher and being so scared I couldn't think! I would hold tight to my mothers leg and had to be pried off of her by the teacher and then missing her the whole day in tears.
I wouldn't go to sleep overs when invited by my friends even in grade school as I was scared my mom would die and I would be alone. My biggest fear is being alone and not having friends or family around for the rest of my life. I have been terrified all my life of something or other everyday!
I have been diagnosed with bi-polar and severe(scared of everything). I suffer from such severe panic I can no longer work and am on social security disabilty.
It scares me to see some of my symptoms in my son who is now 17. I care for my elderly mother who is 81 and had open heart surgery in Dec of last year and I was so scared I would lose her.
I am so tired of worrying and being scared and sad and over emotional and having to make sure my mom doesn't get hurt by falling terrifies me. My hubby is the best thing that ever happened to me! I have been mentally and physically abused by most of my boyfriends and my ex husband! Sometimes i feel like my mind is going to blow up!
I live in a rural town and have to drive 20 miles and bring my mother with if I go to therapy which I need so bad. It is tiring to have to do all i have to just to get out the door taking my mom with me. I have been on meds for 15 yrs and also suffer from fybromyalgia and am on powerful pain meds (pain patch) because of the pain.
I'm tired of my family forgetting I have all these problems myself to deal with and then to have to be a mom , caregiver and wife is extremly hard for me. But I do it and most the time I end up in my bedroom crying to myself and feeling guilty for doing so and for being so selfish. I cry now admitting this all and just getting it out!
Thank you for creating a blog for me to find others "like" me. I have no real friends as I dont trust people and usually the ones i do trust use me. I explain all of this to my hubby and he tries really hard to help me , but he is working over 50 hrs a week and going to school full time (internet) so he can get a better job. I am an artist and have been my whole life. But the work I have ahead of me during the days keeps me so busy and tired that I dont have the time I used to for creating which was the best therapy I found.
I pray every night for God to help someone create a wonder-drug or therapy to help those of us who suffer so. Thank you for listening and I hope this made some sense to you. I know I found myself in alot of the posts on this blog!
I have always felt guilty over almost everything I can't do right for someone and the therapist I was seeing at the time told me " don't put on the dress". She explained that guilt is a gift you give yourself and like a dress you choose to wear or not and for me to NOT wear the dress! It's funny but when I feel guilty i always remember that saying :) when I was little I was diagnosed as being extremly shy, go figure!
You can learn more about Dawn and her artwork on her blog, here:
ARTifact & Whimsy