There was a man back in '95
Whose heart ran out of summers
But before he died, I asked him
Wait, what's the sense in life
Come over me, Come over me
He said,
Son why you got to sing that tune
Catch a Dylan song or some eclipse of the moon
Let an angel swing and make you swoon
Then you will see... You will see
Then he said,
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
Picked up my kid from school today
Did you learn anything cause in the world today
You can't live in a castle far away
Now talk to me, come talk to me
He said,
Dad I'm big but we're smaller than small
In the scheme of things, well we're nothing at all
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song
So play with me, come play with me
And Hey Dad
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
I said,
Son for all I've told you
When you get right down to the
Reason for the world...
Who am I?
There are secrets that we still have left to find
There have been mysteries from the beginning of time
There are answers we're not wise enough to see
He said... You looking for a clue I Love You free...
The batter swings and the summer flies
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Something comes over me
I guess we're big and I guess we're small
If you think about it man you know we got it all
Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball
And I love you free
I love you freely
Here's a riddle for you
Find the Answer
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
- Five for Fighting, The Riddle
Yesterday we had friends and family over for a post holiday celebration. My dear wonderful friend Marc brought his good friend Anita with him, and while she was over, she picked up a small framed picture. "This person looks familiar - ?" she said, questioningly. Familiar, but as she was standing there beside me, she did not know the person in that picture.
Something about that stuck with me. Not in a bad way, but more in a introspective/retrospective way.
I scanned the picture and it is at top. It's a picture of me, twenty years ago. And here it is, the first month of a new year, twenty years later- and what about that person is familiar? What has changed, what lies ahead?
I can't tell the future, but I can look back. Some of the mistakes I made during the past twenty years will haunt me forever. In that picture I stood at the threshold of being a woman - but had not stepped over the line. I don't mean in any conventional sense, but in my heart. I remember that person - she was so unsure, so desperately in need of love, so afraid to take the steps that were needed.
What's the sense in life?
Twenty years ago, I still did not know.
I have written about this many times, but I suppose, my story - as that of most - will never complete its telling.
As I was growing up, my mother taught and told me many things - and much of it I had to unlearn through one painstaking mistake and grevious action after another. So many of her words bared the mark of her madness, sometimes explicit and sometimes hidden in between a seemingly innocuous sentiment. Still, it was the mark of madness that was left on me, and twenty years ago - I was only just learning how to unwind that twisted inheritence. But one thing she taught me - as irrational as it sounds today, I believe to be the truth.
There are angels everywhere. And they carry with them the Grace that we each need to endure this living, and those angels wrap everyone they come across in that Grace, they are always giving.
Let an angel swing and make you swoon.
Twenty years ago, I believed in those angels, I just couldn't imagine that any of that Grace would ever belong to me.
Still every mother's child sings a lonely song.
It took a long time, I was caught up in the who and how. A part of me probably still whispers ~ oh Mama - be my angel. Be my reason for living. Oh Mama, wouldn't that be such lovely Grace?
Well, twenty years ago, I couldn't imagine the grief that was yet to come, but I also had no idea the amount of Grace those angels were already wrapping around me. So much has come and gone since then. If being a woman is having everything stripped away and then getting up to realize your feet are still beneath you, perhaps I've crossed that threshold. If being a woman means seeing the entire world, an endless universe, in the eyes of your child - seeing with your heart, everything you ever dreamed might be - then perhaps I have crossed that threshold. If being a woman means letting go of the need to have Grace handed to you on a particular platter, in a certain way, and instead - quietly listening for any clue - then maybe, just perhaps, I have crossed that threshold.
You looking for a clue I Love You free...
And, so I can still remember mistake after mistake after mistake... so much clinging, the agony of being ripped free - new resolutions year after year, dissolution and endless tears. And still, it is the gifts that snuck in, the blanket of endless love that rises above everything else. Friends who were beside me, those who held my hands and who let me hold theirs when they needed an extra heart beating close to their own. Thump thump thump. Sometimes we just need a small reminder that we are alive, and we are free.
As I look into my angel's eyes
A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me
Here's what happened, sometime, one time, twenty years ago and even still today. Here's what happened. I learned to see those angels, through hope swept and faith filled eyes. I learned to see those angels, through grief and joy alike, in the most beautiful and also the most wretched of lives. To see them, I have to put on glasses with lenses carved of forgiveness and humility, and reconciliation too. Delicate and determined, they are glasses rimmed in compassion. And I can hear their words, the lyrics to their never ending song. Whether living in the luxury of a warm and bright sunlight or crawling on a pitch black moon - I have learned, I always knew, yesterday, today, and tomorrow too - how to see those angels, and all that incredible Grace that they so lovingly extend.
I ponder a new year. I consider twenty years ago, and where it has brought me today. A familiar picture. Do I know the secret? Have I solved the riddle?
Hardly. But I get by, day to day by the good Grace of those angels. (Oh Mama) You'd be amazed at where I find them. Sometimes in the words from a pop song. If you listen closely - if you try - you might find your own Grace for the day, in realizing that ~
There's a reason for the world
You and I...
Happy New Year to You All.
Ooh! It is time for One World One Heart giveaway!
I thought this was really cool. While surfing the web-fantastico the other day, I ran across Holli Conger's blog, here: 
This one looked too cute to pass up. I'm going to start crafting right away. Can't wait!
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